the present moment

In my eating disorder, I was never fully present. I was anything but. In fact, I went to great lengths to avoid everything from people to emotions to reality to the experience of being in my own body. To simply be & live in the moment seemed terrifying, no matter how it was framed. The […]

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goodbyes are difficult

Well, I’m back in Texas. I graduated from treatment on March 30, 2019 & returned home to Austin on April 1. The adjustment period has proved more difficult than I imagined. I miss California; I miss the mountains & the beach & the ocean. I was thoroughly spoiled for 3.5 months. And I miss the […]

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gratitude abounds

The following is an assignment from my treatment team: a gratitude letter to my eating disorder. To my eating disorder… We’ve had a good 17+ year run, and I don’t think I’ve thought much about it until now, but I’m surprisingly grateful for several aspects of our relationship. For starters, I’m grateful for the fact […]

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Why the second thought?

So why second-thought.com? Well, recovery lives in the second thought, or so I’m told. The clinical director of the treatment center I’m currently in says that your first thought or instinct is generally an eating disordered one. For example, “I feel really ashamed; I need to purge.” The second thought, however, is what matters. “I […]

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That Southern California living

I arrived in SoCal by way of Texas on December 12, 2018. And I’m still here. I’ll be honest— it’s not my first rodeo; in fact it’s not my second or third rodeo either. I think the number of stints in treatment is up to six or seven or eight, depending upon how you count […]

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